Video About Premature Ejaculation

In the next few minutes I’m going to show you how you can overcome premature ejaculation and become the man you really want to be in bed.

To start with, it’s important to understand that premature ejaculation is a very normal and natural problem — it affects about one man in three, so you certainly don’t need to feel any shame about it.

Now I know that’s easy to say, and if you come very quickly after starting to make love, it might be a bit of a problem with your partner. She’s probably not going to be too happy, and for that matter, you’re probably not completely satisfied with your performance in bed either.

You see, one of things that I understand from the men I talk to who have this problem is that premature ejaculation can really make a man feel inadequate in bed.

And of course the opposite’s true as well: if you’re a man who has control and choice over when he comes during sex, perhaps so much so that you can even take your partner to orgasm before you ejaculate, it can make you feel like a really powerful man in bed. And – for that matter – out of bed as well.

So exercising control in bed, overcoming premature ejaculation, is really important for many reasons. And one of the questions I’ve often asked myself is why more men don’t do something about it, when it’s so important for sexual pleasure.

The answer probably lies in what Woody Allen once said: to paraphrase, there’s no such thing as a bad orgasm, it’s just that some are better than others.

And when you’re a man, and you enter a woman, you probably feel a very strong instinctive urge to thrust, hard and fast, until you reach the point of ejaculation — and that’s very satisfying. The problem is, it’s not quite so satisfying to her, of course. Another source of information about sexual satisfaction is Orgasm Arts by Jason Julius (see a review here).

What I also know from the work I’ve done with men over the years is that very few women will complain about premature ejaculation, although I have heard of some women being so upset about it that relationships have come to an end.

But you shouldn’t be deceived by the fact your partner says “It’s OK, don’t worry, it doesn’t matter.”

The fact that a woman doesn’t complain about you coming quickly during sex doesn’t mean it’s okay. In fact, I can tell you that the great majority of women are totally peed off with their men about their lack of control.

So what can you do about it? A lot of solutions have been offered on the Internet. Perhaps one of the most common is anesthetic gel or so-called “delay cream” or lotion. You can get that as a spray-on anesthetic for the penis, or you can get it as a lotion, or you can get it in condoms which are supposed to delay ejaculation.

And there’s an interesting problem here, isn’t there? Sex is supposed to be something that you enjoy, and I don’t see how you can enjoy it if your penis is numb and you can’t feel anything.

A lot of guys actually also tell me that because the excitement they feel during sex is more in their mind than their body, they still ejaculate quickly – it’s just that sex is ruined because they don’t feel anything.

I’ve also spoken to several men who used these compounds that they bought on the Internet and they’ve experienced some intense burning sensations – redness and soreness on their penis… in some cases they’ve experienced severe pain….

In fact, I had an email from one man the other day asking for help because his penis had been left more or less insensitive after using a really strong anesthetic lotion that he bought on the Internet. This will not help his ability to get to orgasm! Check out Lloyd Lester’s program here.

My advice to you is to steer well clear — for another thing, your partner is not going to enough thank you if she ends up with a vagina that can’t feel a thing because you sprayed your cock with anesthetic lotion. Just a thought.
You might also have heard of the idea of PC muscle control. The PC muscle, or pubococcygeal muscle, is the one that contracts during orgasm, and the stronger those contractions, the more intense the feelings that you have as you come.

There’s a completely false – and sadly very widespread – belief on the Internet that by contracting this muscle at the point of orgasm, you can stop yourself coming.

I can tell you that this is completely false. It’s impossible to stop yourself coming by contracting this muscle. What you will do, if you try, is weaken your ejaculation and ruin your own orgasm. So don’t bother trying this and if you see anybody who’s recommending this steer well clear again — it doesn’t work.

However there is a way to use the PC muscle during sex to control how quickly you get aroused. ….. you can slow this down, so that it takes you longer to reach the point of no return. That’s the point at which you will ejaculate, come what may.

What you can is contract your PC muscle briefly and breathe in a particular way at the same time….. If you do this correctly, your erection softens a little bit and your arousal goes down so that you’re able to last longer before you come – it’s very handy during intercourse if you want to impress your partner.

Now, in a minute I’m going to give you a link to a website where you can get full details of a complete premature ejaculation treatment program that gives most men who try it complete control over their ejaculation – that means they can actually choose when to ejaculate during sex.

When you buy that program you’ll be able to see exactly how to use all the techniques I’ve been talking about.

As you’ve probably noticed one of the things that contributes to premature ejaculation is feeling anxious about sex.

A lot of guys say to me that they don’t feel anxious but they still come quickly. However I think a lot of men somehow lack confidence during sex, and there’s an underlying level of anxiety behind a lot of premature ejaculation.

And it’s not surprising men are anxious about sex, because when you think about it there’s so much pressure on us around sex.

We’re expected to initiate, we’re expected to lead during sex, we’re expected to show the woman a good time – and so on.
… and if you happen to be a man who’s got performance anxiety, or even a man who’s just concerned about how well he’s doing in bed, you’re going to feel anxious, for sure.

And that’s a problem because, as far as the body is concerned, the anxiety you feel adds to your sexual arousal and takes you towards the point of no return faster, and that means if you’re feeling anxious you’re very likely to ejaculate before you want to. You can see excellent information about how to control premature ejaculation here.

I’m sure you can imagine that men who are completely confident about their masculinity, and have no doubt that they’ll be able to please a woman in bed, and know they can satisfy her in the way that she wants are not going to feel anxious at all, and it’s no coincidence that they tend to be the men who can last longer in bed.

So one of the really important things about overcoming premature ejaculation is reprogramming your mind to give you more confidence.

You can do this by using the latest NLP and behavioral change techniques — and this is a really powerful way to reduce your anxiety and become more confident so that you go into sex without the expectation that you are going to ejaculate sooner than you want.

It breaks the vicious circle of expecting to come too soon, feeling anxious about it, and then coming too soon because of the anxiety.

In fact I think this is one of the most powerful ways to stop yourself ejaculating too quickly.

There is a lot more to this premature ejaculation treatment program than I’ve been able to describe in this video, so the best way to find out more about premature ejaculation control is to click on the link on your screen.

I just want to add one thing about pills and potions as a cure for premature ejaculation.

Don’t be taken in by the con merchants on the Internet who are selling you pills supposed to give you greater control of your ejaculation.

There just aren’t any drugs that will do that except SSRI antidepressants, which you can only get on prescription from a doctor.

Do you think it’s a good idea to take heavy duty pharmaceuticals designed to alter your mood — I mean these things are designed as antidepressants — to control premature ejaculation? Well, no, it just isn’t safe – they have some horrible side effects.

But really the point is that by using the techniques I’ve already mentioned you don’t need drugs anyway ….. the truth is – you’ve got everything you need to control premature ejaculation within you right now.

All you need is to use these simple techniques and you’ll be a great lover, able to show your masculine power when you’re in bed with a woman.

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Text Your Ex Back

I wanted to feature a program I came across recently called Text Your Ex Back by Mike Fiore. I think one of the great things about the Internet is the way in which it can bring together information from so many different resources and blend it into a single whole. I’m thinking particularly of information about intimate and sexual relationships. Years ago, if you broke up from your partner, the information available to you will be limited to what your friends and family to say on the matter. Sure, of course you could go and see a counsellor or therapist, but who wants to pay that kind of money to get over a relationship breakup, whether cause by sexual problems like premature ejaculation or not?

What Mike Fiore has done in his program  Text Your Ex Back is to provide an information system which just about everybody who has broken up with a partner, and genuinely wants them back, should be able to follow. Now, I want to make it clear at this point that I’m not in favour of manipulation or any kind of manipulative technique that preys on the psychology of a vulnerable person. So I recommend Text Your Ex Back only because it seems like a very clean and clear form of communication that you can use to reopen the lines of communication with your ex-partner and begin to rebuild the relationship. I must say that this is not the same kind of relationship you had before  – if that relationship had been working, you would never have broken up.

Instead, what Text Your Ex Back can do is to give you a means to get new communication going so that you can get the attention of your ex-partner and explain to them why it would be beneficial for you both to get back together in a relationship.  (And bear in mind that because break-ups are often caused by sexual incompatibility, you may need to use this program to restore your relationship if you don’t get to grips with your premature ejaculation! No, seriously.)

So how are you going to do this? Well, the answer is to use subtle and well chosen text messages which convey your feelings to your partner (oops, sorry, ex-partner) in a way that engages their attention at a level that’s appropriate to the stage of rebuilding the relationship you have reached. There is a whole series of what I’d describe as “graduated” text messages, each of which is designed to develop trust, establish intimate connection, develop attachment, deepen the relationship, and finally generate sexual attraction.  In a short piece of text like this,  it’s hard to explain exactly how this works, so I suggest you have a look at my Text Your Ex Back review which explains everything in great detail.

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Just What Is Premature Ejaculation And Why Does It Happen?

One of the peculiar features about premature ejaculation is that it is likely to have existed in the human male throughout our entire evolutionary history. The question is whether or not it’s always been a problem…  and of course that’s an unanswerable question.

What we do know is that in recent times, the increased level of awareness about the possibility of sexual pleasure has ensured that both men who wish to pleasure their women in bed, and women who know what they want and expect from sex, have developed the belief that premature ejaculation can interfere with with sexual fulfillment. Indeed, it’s a simple fact that when the man can delay his ejaculation and extend intercourse, a couple are likely to experience lovemaking as more intimate and rewarding. Whether a woman can reach orgasm through intercourse or not is an irrelevance: both men and women like the man’s ejaculation to be controlled until both the man and his partner believe that the time is right for him to ejaculate.

Let’s Put Premature Ejaculation In Context

One reflection of the changing status of women in sexual relationships is that the first reported case of premature ejaculation was discussed in the medical literature as recently as around 1900. Then, the predominant belief was that rapid ejaculation was simply a representation of a man’s unresolved emotional conflicts. In keeping with the psychoanalytical thought prevalent at the time, the speed with which a man ejaculated was interpreted to mean that he unconsciously wanted to minimize the woman’s pleasure by giving her no chance of reaching orgasm. This was the beginning of an interesting and challenging debate about the nature of human sexuality in general and premature ejaculation in particular.

Of course a fundamental question in that debate was (and still is): what does “premature” mean? For who, exactly, is a “premature ejaculation” too quick? If, as the thinking around the turn of the 19th century suggested, premature ejaculation was the result of a conscious emotional conflict, then it naturally followed that psychoanalysis would be the right treatment… unfortunately there was absolutely no evidence of any improvement in men’s ejaculatory latency (the time between penetration and ejaculation) due to the application of psychoanalysis.

There were no significant developments until 1943, when Bernhard Schapiro, who’d worked extensively with men who complained about ejaculating too quickly, wrote a paper which suggested that premature ejaculation was merely a representation of some kind of psychosomatic problem. In other words, just as some people would suffer a bad back when subjected to stress, some men experience premature ejaculation when under stress. Schapiro attributed an early ejaculation to some kind of inherent weakness in the reproductive system, which allowed the psychosomatic problem to manifest in this way.

Schapiro’s work was most remarkable because he was the first medical man to describe two types of premature ejaculation which have now become known as lifelong and acquired.

Lifelong premature ejaculation is the sort of sexual dysfunction a man experiences from his first sexual experience onwards, whereas acquired premature ejaculation is – as the name suggests – acquired later in life and is sometimes accompanied by erectile dysfunction. You can read more about the definitions of premature ejaculation here.

Perhaps understandably, little was published on the subject for another 13 years until Dr. James Semans published a paper in 1956. In this, he turned from looking at a psychological approach to understanding the causation of premature ejaculation to a practical method of treating it which he called the stop-start method. In brief, as you may already know, this method involves the stimulation of a man’s penis by his partner until he reaches the point of no return – that is to say, the point at which he knows is going to ejaculate and nothing will stop it – at which point the man removes his partner’s hand and and stimulation stops until his level of arousal has diminished.

In technical terms, the point of no return is marked by what are known as “pre-ejaculatory sensations” or “premonitory sensations”. It is these which tell a man when he’s about to ejaculate, and it’s notable that men who ejaculate too quickly for their or their partner’s liking often lack awareness of these sensations, finding that their ejaculation happens as they often describe it, “almost spontaneously”, “coming from nowhere”, or “happening without warning”.

Treatment For PE May Be Easier Than You Think

To return to Semans’ therapeutic technique: when the man feels that his pre-ejaculatory sensations have diminished or stopped altogether, and his arousal has dropped, his partner begins to stimulate his penis again. The procedure moves on from dry stimulation with no lubrication, to masturbation with lubrication, which more closely resembles the environment of the vagina, and then to vaginal containment (i.e. the insertion of the penis into the vagina without movement). The next stage is one of limited thrusting with the woman on top, with the man stopping his movements every time he approaches the point of ejaculation. And finally, the couple achieve full intercourse with normal thrusting.

This procedure of graded stimulation with pauses to allow the man’s arousal to drop can be very effective in curing premature ejaculation. However, it requires both self-discipline – that is to say, the discipline to overcome the urge to thrust and ejaculate as quickly as possible, which is extremely powerful for most men – and usually also some kind of counseling or therapeutic “discussion” to eliminate the negative emotions associated with premature ejaculation.

Semans’ work didn’t attract a great deal of attention at the time, possibly because most of the therapists who tried his approach didn’t incorporate discussions with the man and his partner into their therapy. However, if you read Semans’ original account of his work, it’s clear that he engaged in extensive “counseling” of his clients. This may be the “fixative” that ensures the stop-start treatment is successful. Without support, men and their partners who try this technique tend not to sustain any improvement in intercourse duration for more than a few weeks, if they even achieve success in the first place.

The fact that a counseling or therapeutic approach of some kind is a necessary adjunct to behavioral training was confirmed in 1970 when Masters and Johnson published a technique called the squeeze technique. In actual fact the squeeze technique is really the stop-start technique, with the addition of a squeeze:  during sexual activity, whether that’s manual stimulation or intercourse, the man or his partner also squeeze the man’s penis between thumb and forefinger. The squeeze is applied to the man’s penile shaft just under the coronal rim on the dorsal surface and on the frenulum on the ventral surface.

The Squeeze Technique, The Stop-Start Technique & Counselling – A Complete Package To Stop Premature Ejaculation

This technique actually reduces a man’s desire to ejaculate very significantly, and it may also reduce the rigidity of his erection slightly. It’s a very effective way of allowing a man to continue making love for longer. When applied in real life situations, the woman or the man himself squeeze the penis just before the man reaches his point of no return, in the way described above for about four seconds; the couple then wait another 30 seconds or so until stimulation begins again.

Stimulation may be masturbation or intercourse, but is always a graded progression of sexual interaction from manual stimulation without lube (masturbation, in other words) through to full intercourse, although intercourse itself is specifically prohibited until a man has developed the ability to significantly delay his ejaculation. Once again, vaginal containment without thrusting is a significant element of this process. It allows a man to get used to the sensations of having his penis inside the moist and warm environment of his partner’s body without responding to that stimulation with a reflex, spontaneous or rapid ejaculation. You can read about the stop start technique here, and the squeeze technique here.

To be effective, vaginal containment needs to be carried out for several minutes, possibly for 10 minutes or even longer, during which time the man moves only enough to sustain his erection. In general, men who try this technique of vaginal containment report that there is a moment when they experience a distinct change in the sensations they are experiencing: it’s hard to describe exactly what this is, but in cognitive terms, it’s probably best described as an understanding and acceptance that this penetration of the woman by the man is actually normal, it doesn’t necessarily need to lead to rapid ejaculation, and that it is both enjoyable and something that can be tolerated without a spontaneous reaction of uncontrolled ejaculation.

In feeling terms, the physical sensations reported by men shift from being “sharper”, more arousing, more acute, to a duller, more general warmth. I interpret this to mean that there is a drop in the level of sexual arousal a man develops when he is inside his partner. When you think about it, this is actually a representation of normal mature male sexual behavior. In some ways it is a physical metaphor for a kind of transition from adolescent boy-sexuality where even the prospect of having intercourse with a woman is too exciting to cope with (resulting in a rapid ejaculation), to a more adult-masculine sexuality, where a man takes on the rightful role of a mature male who expects to be able to engage in intercourse with a woman on equal terms and with complete ejaculatory control.

Once again, of course, part of this transition to mature male sexuality is about dealing with the emotions that surround premature ejaculation. In my experience it’s never a purely physical condition: it’s always accompanied by some kind of emotional issue. This is usually anxiety, especially performance anxiety about satisfying a woman. Another manifestation is anxiety about the very act of intercourse – in other words, some kind of fear of failure or of letting the partner down in some way. You can read more about the effects of premature ejaculation here.

What Are The Respective Roles Of Men And Women In Controlling Premature Ejaculation?

Information about the treatment of premature ejaculation is available here.

A key factor here for me is that when the man feels this fear, he is somehow taking responsibility for the woman’s sexual pleasure. Now, although the belief that somehow the man has a “duty” or responsibility to pleasure the woman (aka bring her to orgasm) during sex is commonplace in our society, it’s actually wrong.

Culturally, a man may feel a responsibility for a woman’s sexual pleasure, but socially and emotionally, a woman’s ability to achieve orgasm is more or less her own responsibility. We would not assume a woman’s job was to give a man an orgasm, would we? Indeed, the reversal of the idea seems ridiculous. 

Certainly, a sexual partner can help with stimulation and can provide sexual pleasure, but for a woman to assume that it’s a man’s responsibility to “give her” an orgasm, or to “take her” to orgasm, or whatever, is clearly quite perverse. What’s more challenging, of course, is that men take on this responsibility and then develop a fear of failure because of it, a fear of not providing “her” with an orgasm. In many cases, men tell me that they actually fear a partner’s anger or annoyance if she doesn’t have an orgasm.

In this way, sex becomes a challenge for the man because he’s not able to fully focus on receiving his own pleasure. During sex, part of his mind is consumed with what he takes to be his responsibility to pleasure his partner, and since couples in this situation rarely have a very good level of communication about what they’re thinking and feeling during sexual activity, and women often fail to provide guidance to their male partners to tell them what they want, the stage is set for sexual conflict and failure.

It’s almost as though the woman expects a man to be a mind reader, and to be able to provide her with sexual pleasure regardless of whether or not he’s sufficiently knowledgeable and skilful to do so. Such a situation can produce high anxiety, frustration, and resentment, and no doubt guilt and shame too, all of which can  contribute to premature ejaculation. (The reason this happens is this: although emotional arousal and sexual arousal may feel different, they have a very similar effect on the man’s nervous system: they are both arousing. This means that a man who is experiencing high levels of emotion will most likely be well on the way to his point of no return even before he sexually engages with his partner.

By contrast a man who begins sex in a relaxed frame of mind, without any particular stress or heightened emotional arousal, will take longer to get to his point of no return, the point of ejaculatory inevitability.

Returning to Masters and Johnson’s technique, it’s interesting to note that as long ago as 1970 they were suggesting that in most men premature ejaculation was the product of anxiety, and was not a natural condition, but a learned activity. As an example of this, they mentioned that behavioral traits of early ejaculation might be learned during the adolescent years, when sex is often furtive and hurried, and frequently conducted in uncomfortable situations where there was a lot of anxiety about being discovered – such as the back seat of a car! Clearly the implication of this observation is that premature ejaculation treatment should incorporate not only bodily training to delay the man’s physical responses to sexual stimulation, but also some kind of therapy or counseling to help him reduce his performance anxiety. (For information on lasting longer, click here.)

In the decades since Masters and Johnson did their pioneering work, a number of different therapies have been tried for premature ejaculation, ranging from Gestalt therapy to Transactional Analysis and psychodynamic psychotherapy. But there has been very little scientific investigation of the effectiveness of different techniques using well-designed controlled studies. To take but one example, while the suggestion that hurried adolescent sexual experiences might well “train” a man to ejaculate quickly seems both logical and intuitively correct, when Waldinger applied evidence-based research techniques to this question, he found no evidence whatsoever to support the idea. In other words – common sense may seem appealing, but it may not help us understand exactly what causes premature ejaculation!

The squeeze method is the most effective form of treatment for premature ejaculation, a fact which has been confirmed several times. Why, then, do so many therapists report that the benefits do not last? Well, what differs between Masters and Johnson’s application of this technique and other practitioners’ work seems to be the closeness of the relationship they had with their clients. Masters and Johnson reported improvements in ejaculation latencies which lasted indefinitely; once again this appears to be because they established intimate and close connections with their clients in a residential setting. Such intimacy was not a feature of the work done by other therapists, who seem to have regarded the physical training alone (without emotional support of some kind) as sufficient to cure premature ejaculation.

For delayed ejaculation treatment, check this out. If you have a relationship issue which might benefit from some kind of relationship expertise, check out these dating and relationship tips for men. They have the ability to transform how you feel towards your partner, and she towards you.

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